


Jesus Christ - will you stop it with the fucking sharks?

by dontthinkiwont



Series: Autistic Lance (Voltron) [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Autistic Character, Autistic Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Swears, Klance if you squint, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Swears, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Minor Keith/Lance (Voltron), aka im gonna self project a lot, i have autism so im gonna write from my experiences, i suck at tags i just word vomit, i'm really really sorry i tried to make this enjoyable, im so sorry, im such a shitty writer good god, it starts out slow, just hang in there i tried to make it enjoyable, or like that's what i was going for, there might be klance later idk, there's angst for like two seconds it's mostly fluff and humor or whatever, theres a lot of platonic touching also hgnghnh sorry, this is my first fic please be gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontthinkiwont/pseuds/dontthinkiwont
Summary: "Look, okay, I get it, I like peanut butter, you like sharks. It's a thing, whatever. But seriously, dude - what the fuck?"-Or, Lance has Autism Spectrum Disorder and this can cause him to fixate on some things. Like, maybe, for instance, great white sharks. For example.





	Jesus Christ - will you stop it with the fucking sharks?

**Author's Note:**

> hello, hi! your local twink is out here actually posting shit instead of hiding in his hole wondering whether or not to create stuff for a fandom he's been in for years now. ok, actual notes now, i have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and my doctor figured out around a year ago that this causes a lot of my little quirks, so i said to myself, "hey, why not explore this through fanfiction with your favorite paladin?" for real though, if anyone's offended or upset by this, let me know and i'll edit and/or take it down. but for now, enjoy!

The universe is a strange place full of strange beings with strange cultures and belongings. It really only makes sense that in the vast, infinite expanse of space, there's gonna be some weird shit. This was probably something that helps Lance stay focused - the way that nothing can be categorized, that is. Not categorized, actually - made sense of? Kept track of?

Okay, okay, yeah. He's pretty self aware, he's proud of that, so Lance knows that he has a tendency to get distracted. Not even, like, in the moment distraction, like, distracted from his purpose. Large goals. Actual life events that are going on in front of him can just _zoom_ by, and he'll miss it because he's too busy getting caught up with the latest thing that caught his eye. He almost missed the deadline for Garrison applications because he was too busy playing Breath of the Wild. But whatever, it happens to everybody. Well, Hunk's never seemed to experience anything like that, but Pidge has gotten too focused on projects sometimes. They're all dynamic people with vastly different personalities. It's probably just a Lance thing.

But yeah. That hasn't happened in, god, months now, because he's been in space. It's not like he's kept track of it or anything,  _("Oh, Lance, you've done such a good job not falling into a deep hole of stupid interests, yay you -_ fuck off, loser.") but he realized during one of their "bonding sessions" that he didn't really...have anything to ramble about. Or even, like, feel things about. Jesus. It was a little sad in the moment, and he caught Hunk giving him an odd look when he suddenly went blank - bless the guy, he really has known Lance for too long - but hey, just another casualty of war. Nothing to get caught up about. But months of having nothing to focus on is probably what made his next obsession more intense than ever.

-

"Alright Paladins, today's easy but it should still be taken seriously. We'll be landing on the planet -"

"Qzaar!"

"-Qzaar, thank you Coran, in about 10 doboshes. You've already been briefed, but I'm gonna go over the basics one more time. We're here for a diplomatic mission, we're trying to form an alliance with the planet's leaders as they haven't chosen a side in the war yet. The inhabitants are supposedly friendly, but we still want to be on guard - _Lance, get that out of your mouth."_

Lance started violently when Shiro interrupted himself to scold him. He instantly yanked the...thing out of his mouth and set it back where he found it, chuckling nervously. It had been on the table that was in the middle of the briefing room. To be fair, it looked like one of those lightsaber spoons he'd had as a kid, with metal on the end and a glow-y green part at the end. You couldn't exactly blame him.

The Paladins along with Allura and Coran were gathered there in their armor with Lance near the center of the room with Hunk and Pidge while Keith was in the back, "being all emo," Lance thought. Shiro crossed his arms from where he was standing in front of them, exchanging a worried glance with Allura.

"Lance, this could really be beneficial to Voltron. We're gonna need you to keep it together if we want this mission to be a success -"

"Jesus, Shiro, I know," Lance rolled his eyes. "I'm not five, I can handle it."

"Could've fooled me," Keith snorted.

Lance whirled around, instantly in fight mode. "Shut it, Gerard Way. Not like you're any better, if the leader said something to piss you off you'd be at his throat, no questions asked! You should be the one getting called out!"

"Lance," Allura sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose. "Let's allow Shiro to finish, shall we?"

"Alright." Shiro glanced between Keith and Lance, the latter of whom ultimately decided it wasn't worth it and settled back near Hunk. Stupid headass emo hair son of a bitch. "The air is breathable but the atmosphere isn't going to be as humid as you're used to, according to Coran. There are around 18 continents on the planet, and the cultures of each are completely different, so please don't make any assumptions or do anything to insult the natives."

"Once we land, how far away are we from the meeting hall?" Pidge asked from where she was settled in her chair.

...Which was floating a foot above the ground. How had Lance never noticed that before? Had Pidge built it, or was it something from the Castle? Would Allura know how it worked? By the time Lance tore himself away from his curious and slightly awestruck thoughts, the rest of the Paladins were moving from their positions towards.

"Oh."

He jogged to catch up to Hunk, tugging on the back of his vest to get his attention.

"Are we there?"

Hunk sent him a quizzical look. "Yeah, dude. Weren't you paying attention?"

Lance hummed noncommittally, falling into step with the larger boy. When his hand brushed Hunk's, he twisted it around and threaded their fingers together. Pidge sent them an odd look when Allura and them reached the front of the ship, but this was becoming a normal occurrence. He was in space fighting in a war in giant metal cats and was becoming more aware of his own mortality by the hour. What was the point of caring about the little things?

"Alright, gang, it's gonna be hectic getting to the hall. You all have your comlinks turned on?" Shiro asked, turning around to face them. 

"Affirmative," Keith said over the coms.

"Yup, sounds good."

"All good here."

"Right as rain."

"Great," Shiro replied to them, switching off his own once they had all sounded off. "If one of you gets separated, then it won't be a problem. We ready?"

Hunk squeezed Lance's hand three times, and Lance returned the favor. Democracy time, baby.

-

Right, yeah, Shiro wasn't lying when he said that it would be hectic. They had landed the castle on the outskirts of what looked to be a city, which consisted of tents and stalls set up every five feet or so. The tents were made out of brownish, yellowish material, supported by the same structures that the stalls were made of, which looked similar to wood. The chaos was probably comparable to New York City, Lance thought, although he couldn't say for sure as he had never been there. The planet was lush, as well. Green plants grew from every available surface, and the bright pink sky - woah, he'd never seen one like _that_ before - complemented the colors in a lovely way. The aliens were what fascinated him the most, though; they were around the size of large dogs, though they didn't seem to have faces or physical forms, really. They looked like that slime that had gotten really popular in 2016, and Lance had no idea how they were supposed to conduct a meeting if they didn't seem to have mouths to speak. They each had a unique color and some had splotches scattered on their surface, and they...looked a lot like Bob from Monsters Vs. Aliens, Lance realized. Hunk giggled when he told him this.

They were walking down what seemed to be the center of the street, the aliens moving from stall to stall keeping the bustling energy high. 

"I can't accept less than five yoer-tets for this," he overheard one alien saying to another. He started when he noticed that every time one would speak, their entire body would vibrate. It made for an interesting sight, but Lance couldn't watch for long as Hunk was keeping him moving.

"We can't be late, Allura will kill us if we arrive any later than the rest for this," Hunk fretted. "This is pretty important, if we screw it up we're dead."

"Relax, man, we've got time," Lance placated, trying to get him to slow down so he could look at some delicate trinkets hanging from the ceiling of a small tent. He whined in disappointment when Hunk pulled him along, unrelenting.

"No, we don't. Come on."

Lance got distracted no less than five more times - and no more, he would say, but as always, Hunk was steady as a rock in everything including his argument - but they eventually made it to where Shiro had said to meet up, and found that the others were there waiting for them. The meeting hall was, well, beautiful. Lance dropped Hunk's hand and clasped his own together, admiring it; there were no walls, just pillars made of stone stretching far into the sky and fabric materials hanging between each of them. It was bright, colorful, open, and - Pidge's stomach growled. She blushed, pointedly glaring at Keith when he looked at her. 

"I didn't eat before we left, leave me alone."

"We can eat before we leave after the meeting," Allura said absentmindedly, also admiring the structure. 

"Good, we could all use a break from the food goo," Lance mumbled, earning several murmurs of agreement. 

"Paladins of Voltron!"

The crew spun around, instantly on guard - Lance sent a worried look to Keith, he was easily the most startled out of all of them. He hoped he was okay - but relaxed once they realized that it was simply one of the planet's leaders. They were larger than any of the other...blobs, that Lance had seen, and they were a dull yellow color. What really set them apart, though, was the cloths draped haphazardly over their body, which looked similar to those hanging from the pillars that made up the meeting hall.

"Welcome to Qzaar! We've been anxiously awaiting your arrival," they hummed, flanked by several smaller, similarly colored blobs.

Lance wondered if there was any significance to their coloring. Did it determine their status in their culture? It's not like it wouldn't make sense, three yellow aliens in a similar position of power had to mean something, right? Did racism exist? Why -

"Come, Paladins. The rest of our planet's best and brightest are waiting for you inside the hole."

Lance blinked, immediately making the realization that he'd missed a whole conversation between Allura and the blob - do they have a name? It's got to be rude to just keep calling them "the blob."

The Paladins and Allura were led inside, lifting up the fabric that obscured the inside of the hall - wait, hadn't the leader said hole? Why hole? - hole from view. Inside, there was a large, circular table where the other leaders were seated. Well, not seated, there were no chairs, but it seemed that the Paladins were expected to sit on the floor in a large vacant spot, so that's what they did. Lance was sure to get a spot next to Hunk with Keith on his left side. 

He gave Keith a lot of shit, but he was probably one of the people he felt most comfortable with on the ship. He was easy to understand and uh, spend time with. The ranking was probably Hunk, Keith, Pidge, and Shiro. Not that he wasn't comfortable with Shiro, he just wasn't sure if the guy liked him. Like, at all. And that could make it hard to actually enjoy being around him, because while he'd die for him and loved him more than anything, hanging out sucks while you're questioning whether you're liked the whole time. And believe it or not, this is why he likes being around Keith - he understands exactly how Keith feels. He's annoyed by Lance's presence, sure, but Lance could sometimes make him laugh, and when he wasn't being an annoying little shit it was actually pretty nice. And he kind of likes their fights. Everyone likes to be a little angry sometimes.

Lance sighed inaudibly after catching a snipped of Allura's speech, content to stay zoned out. "Zarkon, lions, victory, blah blah blah." This was all pretty routine, and it was nothing he hadn't seen before. All of their diplomatic missions went like this, with some grand statement from Allura before they were released to -

"Paladins, I need to discuss our relations with the planet's leaders. You may be excused to explore the city as you please until we are done."

Yep. Just like that. Lance sighed again, audibly this time, before standing up alongside Hunk and Keith. He didn't understand why he had to come to the planet in the first place, he didn't even need to speak. He absentmindedly grabbed Hunk's hand, allowing him to lead him out of the hole. Which, again, was a weird name. There was no hole.

"Thank god," Pidge groaned as soon as they were all out of earshot, grabbing her stomach. "I'm gonna die if I don't eat five minutes ago."

"I'm right there with you, dude," Hunk agreed earnestly, motioning for them all to start walking with his free hand.

"I saw a spot on our way in, I could probably find it again!" Pidge replied, smiling.

The Paladins started walking as a group, chatting casually amongst themselves about the planet and what they'd seen so far. Pidge mentioned an alien that had a splotch shaped like, um, genitalia on its back, which had Hunk and Lance nearly crying with laughter while Shiro scolded them. Lance stopped mid-giggle to inspect something off to the side, and gasped sharply when what it was dawned on him. He immediately dropped Hunk's hand, sprinting off to the stall that had caught his eye, causing Keith to sigh violently.

"I've got him, you guys go ahead. We'll meet you there."

Shiro eyed Keith for a moment.

"You think you can find us?"

"We have our coms. We're fine."

"Shiro, come on!" Hunk called from where he and Pidge were already ten steps ahead.

The desire to eat seemed to override his Overprotective Dad Instincts - the name given fondly by Lance - so Shiro shrugged and turned to catch up with the Green and Yellow Paladins.

Keith was about to turn around and find Lance, wherever the fucker had run off to, but Lance seemed to beat him too it as he jumped violently when the piece of shit grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the stall.

 _"Keith_. Keith, Keith, Keith, dude, you _have_ to _see_ this."

"Lance -"

Lance was a force of nature, not to be reckoned with and certainly not to be questioned. By the time he and Keith had reached said stall, the adrenaline nearly had him bouncing up and down. Which...wasn't a very long time, when you think about it, so it doesn't really make sense how he got so energized so fast. But whatever. That wasn't what was important, what was important was the products that the aliens were selling at the stall he'd dragged Keith to. Aside from the space mall, in all of the galaxies, solar systems, and planets that he'd visited, there had been not one recognizable thing from Earth. Until now.

"Keith. They have stuffed _sharks."_

Lance hadn't let go of his, erm, confused friends hand, and he squeezed it excitedly, although he was careful not to hurt him. He'd done that before with other people and didn't plan on making that same mistake.

Keith was conflicted. For starters, he hadn't realized that he had a toddler for a partner, and he was debating the morality of allowing a three year old to fight in an intergalactic war. He would have to bring that up with Shiro. And secondly...what the fuck?

"Lance. Is this really something we need to focus on right now?"

Lance brought his free hand up to his heart, clutching at his chest dramatically.

"I'm hurt. I share a deep, _dark_ part of my soul with you, and what do you do? You mock me. I am aggrieved, offended, destroyed within an inch of my life, and you stand there as if nothing has happened. I'm wounded."

"Wow, I didn't know your vocabulary was that large," Keith replied dryly.

Lance would later deny that he screeched, but he would agree that the noise that left his mouth was no less than unholy.

_"I came out here to have a good time -"_

"Er, good afternoon, gentlemen."

Lance huffed, crossing his arms and facing the owner of the stall who had just spoken. Despite all odds, somehow an orange blob shaped vaguely like pudding looked uncomfortable.

"I'm the only gentleman here. This man with me is an _animal."_

"That's racist," Keith grumbled, secretly grieving the loss of Lance's hand in his.

"Yeah, uh-huh, I was referring to your rude comments not your Galra genes, dumbass."

"C-can I help you with anything today?" the shop owner implored, inching away.

Lance noticed this and took pity, shooting a dirty look at Keith before speaking.

"Yes, my partner here wants to buy me one of these stuffed animals here. The, uh, fishy-shaped ones."

Now it was Keith's turn to look resentful, but he refrained from speaking.

"One of these!" Lance picked up one of the stuffed sharks, which were about a foot long and more greenish-colored than they should have been, but who cares. They were _soft._

"Oh, of course. One of those will be 30 GAC. They were previously more expensive, but they haven't been selling very well. No one seems to appreciate Earth's biodiversity, save for me," the owner mourned, the underlying hum in their speaking not nearly as apparent as that of the planet's leader's.

"Well I do, I'm from there!" Lance chirped. "Keith, pay up."

"I'm not gonna buy your doll for you," the Red Paladin sighed, even as he dug out coins from a compartment in his armor. "This is bullshit."

"I love you too, asshat."

The shop owner made the smart decision not to try and engage them any further, and the boys watched in awe as a thin tendril reached out from their...mass...and absorbed the coins that Keith had set on the table. Choosing not to dwell on what he'd just seen, Lance promptly picked up his stuffed shark, linked his arm with Keith's, and marched him away.

"I'll spar with you or something to pay you back later. Uh...thanks," he said, starting to worry about forcing Keith to pay for something so stupid.

Jesus, that was dumb. He probably thinks he's stupid and childish now. Well, more stupid. Did he think he was stupid? God -

"Don't mention it," the other boy replied distractedly. "Do you know where Shiro and the others went? Cuz I sure as hell don't."

"Dude. I have no fucking clue."

-

All the warning signs were there. Lance and his dumb bitch energy, that's why he didn't notice. Dumb bitch energy for sure.

After he'd - after Keith had gotten him the stuffed great white on Qzaar, they were practically all he could think about. He'd doodle sharks on his arms, implore Pidge to tell him facts about their biology, he even had Coran 3D print him more stuffed animals. How the Castle had a 3D printer, he'd never know. It wasn't like he was thinking about it 24/7 or anything, he wasn't a fucking weirdo. He just...really liked sharks. 

He was sitting in the lounge studying Altean on his tablet-phone-thing when Pidge walked in, though he didn't pay her any mind at first. Altean was fascinating if intense and difficult, but god dammit Lance was going to learn how to speak it.

"Lance -"

"Did you know that 'quiznak' is basically the Altean equivalent for fuck? So like, instead of saying 'what the fuck,' you'd say 'what the quiznak.'"

"Um, yes, I did actually, but -"

"And did you know that a movement is a week, basically? I thought it was like a month or something, but it's closest to -"

"Lance, dude, you've gotta stop."

He raised his head from the tablet he was previously browsing through, and made eye contact with Pidge. Oddly enough, she was holding a couple of his stuffed sharks.

"Did you get those from my room? Why were you in my room?"

"I went in your room because you stole my goddamn headphones again -"

"Oh. Sorry."

"- and why the fuck do you have so many of these?"

Lance sat up straighter, stretching absentmindedly and sighing in satisfaction when his back popped. Sitting on the floor for two hours wasn't exactly pristine living. 

"What are you talking about?" he yawned, slumping back against the couch.

"Dude, I counted seven of these in your room, and that was without me snooping. I could've snooped, by the way."

"Thanks for that," Lance said confusedly.

"No problem. Just, look, okay, I get it, I like peanut butter, you like sharks. It's a thing, whatever. But seriously, dude - what the fuck? It's kind of funny but also kind of concerning," she replied, a slight smile gracing her lips but the concern that she had mentioned was also written all over her expression.

"I dunno." He stood up as red was beginning to overtake his face. This was stupid, he wasn't five. "I just, they're -"

"Do you need me to talk to Coran? Maybe it's some alien virus messing with your brain."

"Pidge, dude, it's nothing -"

"A check-up can't hurt, just let him -"

"I don't want to! There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Lance, you can't just act like -"

_"Pidge!"_

Lance hadn't meant to raise his voice, but it just...sort of happened. His throat was starting to hurt, and he was frustrated to realize that his vision was clouded by tears. He reached up to tug at his hair.

"Th-ere's nothing wrong with me. It's just - I can get too focused on things sometimes. It's always been like that, I...I'm gonna go to my room now."

He took a deep, shaky breath, and walked out of the room avoiding Pidge's eyes... Shit. That had escalated quickly. He would also like to make it known that no tears had fallen until he bumped into Keith on the way to his room. It was the force of running into him and nothing else.

"Dammit Lance, watch where you're - oh."

Lance stumbled backwards and sniffled, scrubbing at his eyes. 

"There's nothing wrong with me."

Keith looked - and felt - like a deer caught in headlights. It was common knowledge that he wasn't much for handling emotions, or social situations, or, uh...anything of what was happening here.

"Y-yeah, I know. You're fine. Whatever's happening, you're...you're fine."

The raven-haired teen decided to brave touching the crying boy across from him, and hesitantly rested his hand on his shoulder. This only seemed to make the situation worse, though, as Lance began to cry harder.

"Pidge said I should get checked out by Coran becau-ause there might be something wrong with m-e," he sobbed into the sleeves of his jacket that he'd pulled up over his hands.

"Well that's stupid," Keith scoffed.

"It's stupid!" Lance echoed, still teary but calming down. "Just because I like sharks, and -"

"Woah, wait, really?" Keith asked, beginning to chuckle.

"Don't laugh at me!"

"Woah, woah woah woah, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at Pidge, and - ok, also a little at you." Keith paused, walking to stand next to Lance and then tugging him along. "I'll walk you to your room. Just, it's a little weird, I guess, but not in a bad way. Why did you get so upset? She didn't...it wasn't..."

"Yeah, I know, she didn't mean anything bad or whatever," Lance sighed in reply, taking Keith's hand out of habit and completely missing the blush that graced his cheeks. "I just - I grew up being the weird kid, I guess. I was too loud, too much, and I hate - I hate thinking that that's caused by something bad. If I go to a doctor, or if I get sent to a mental hospital, or...that means there's something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me."

There were a few beats of silence as Keith processed what he'd said, unsure of how to reply. 

"Wow," he eventually said, and then winced. That came across great.

"Sorry," Lance said out of habit.

"No, god, don't apologize. Thanks for telling me that, though, I guess?"

"Um, yeah, no problem."

The air was thick with awkwardness, but not entirely in a bad way. It was strange and wonderful. 

"If - even if there is something going on, y'know, it's not inherently bad," Keith said, breaking the silence. "Like, ok, if you're hurting or sad then that's bad, but liking sharks isn't unhealthy or anything. I mean, it's stupid and a little dorky but not bad at all."

Lance giggled. "Having a bajillion stuffed animals definitely isn't hurting my psyche."

"Definitely not."

-

Lance talked to Pidge after a while, both to explain why he'd reacted so strongly to something seemingly simple and to apologize despite the younger Paladin insisting he shouldn't. She said that she understood more than he knew, though she wouldn't elaborate when he asked what she meant. They hugged, and they immediately went back to stealing each other's shit and walking into the room just to smack the other and immediately run out. Good sibling shit.

The Cuban had noticed that Keith had grown slightly more...noticeable to Lance, though. It was kind of cute. His eyes were on Lance in situations where he could be upset or hurt, and in all honesty the Blue Paladin appreciated it more than he could properly express. It felt good to have someone he knew was on his side.

Space would always have weird shit, and 99% of the time it would be unrecognizable to him. Because of this, whether or not it was caused by something he wasn't yet aware of, it was nice to have a little piece of earth with him. In the form of nine stuffed great white sharks.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, so quick explanation: i hyper-focus on things for like months at a time (artists, fandoms, animals, etc.) and lately it's been, uh, lobsters. don't know why or how it happened but i currently have nine (9) of the stuffed little shits and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. so lance's favorite animal is canonly (is that a word?) a shark so uh. i shat this out. i also have a like sensitivity to being sent to doctors and shit? that's really specific but my parents have threatened to send me to a psychiatric hospital due to instances like this multiple times and every time it happened i utterly lost my shit. so yeah hopefully this makes sense and wasn't an awful read, thanks for checking out my work skfhdaslfk;ljf


End file.
